Also, after all the warnings about filling in the bubbles completely, I spent like 30 seconds on each one.
http://www.xkcd.com/499/
And they choose Al Gore as Internet Secretary.
http://www.xkcd.com/498/
It's time to draw the line.
http://www.xkcd.com/497/
He actually installed each piece in a different car in the lot, then built a new car in the spot from the displaced pieces. It's a confusing maneuver known as the auto-troll shuffle.
http://www.xkcd.com/496/
That helmet won't save him.
http://www.xkcd.com/495/
The blueprints for the Department of the Internet offices call for Ceiling Cat-themed sprinkler heads.
http://www.xkcd.com/494/
I started to do the tables for more famous people but it got really depressing and morbid and I had to go outside. Hat guy wins again.
http://www.xkcd.com/493/
A veteran Scrabble player will spot the 'OSTRICH' option.
http://www.xkcd.com/492/
If long tooltips / cut off for you / then upgrade from / Firefox 2 / Burma Shave
http://www.xkcd.com/491/
I had a really hard time not writing '... profit!'
http://www.xkcd.com/490/
Listen, they request that you stop submitting a listing for your house labeled 'WHERE YOU BROKE MY HEART'.
http://www.xkcd.com/489/
I spent more time trying to get an audible.com audio book playing than it took to listen to the book. I have lost every other piece of DRM-locked music I have paid for.
http://www.xkcd.com/488/
We didn't even get to the continued fractions!
http://www.xkcd.com/487/
'The sad thing is that I just wanted to talk about your poor smoke-bomb techniques.'
http://www.xkcd.com/486/
The Planck length is another thousand or two pixels below the comic.
http://www.xkcd.com/485/
Although ... who else can't wait for them to incorporate that Wiimote head-tracking stuff into games? Man, the future's gonna be *awesome*.
http://www.xkcd.com/484/
Except for anything by Lewis Carroll or Tolkien, you get five made-up words per story. I'm looking at you, Anathem.
http://www.xkcd.com/483/
Interestingly, on a true vertical log plot, I think the Eiffel Tower's sides really would be straight lines.
http://www.xkcd.com/482/
Man, I just wanted to know how babby was formed.
http://www.xkcd.com/481/
Way to not support the GMA 950 under OS X, Spore. :(
http://www.xkcd.com/480/
I need a lawn, so I can yell at kids to stay off it.
http://www.xkcd.com/479/
Staple guns: because duct tape can't make that 'kaCHUNK' noise.
http://www.xkcd.com/478/
Somewhere in the world, my actual grandmothers are reading this and angrily exclaiming that I never write even malformed thank-you notes. DEAR GRANDMOMS: I AM SORRY! YOU ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. LOVE reddit.com RANDALL.
http://www.xkcd.com/477/
He continued, 'Okay, Bernanke is uncontaminated. Find a crossbow and get him into position behind one of the columns at the Fed entrance. This is gonna get ugly.'
http://www.xkcd.com/476/
An eternity later, the universe having turned out to have positive curvature and lots of mass, the boomerang hits him in the back of the head.
http://www.xkcd.com/475/
Supercollider? I 'ardly know 'er!
http://www.xkcd.com/474/
We actually divorced once over the airplane/treadmill argument. (Preemptive response to the inevitable threads arguing about it: you're all wrong on the internet.)
http://www.xkcd.com/473/
Fuck it. I'm just going to Waffle House.
http://www.xkcd.com/472/
Hey, are you friends with any hamsters? This kite needs a passenger.
http://www.xkcd.com/471/
I THINK EVERYONE INVOLVED HERE IS CUTE.
http://www.xkcd.com/470/
Oh, your brother is Luke. Sorry, should've mentioned that first.
http://www.xkcd.com/469/
They eventually resolved this self-reference, but Cantor's 'everything-in-the-fetish-book-twice' parties finally sunk the idea.
http://www.xkcd.com/468/
Also no results: 1girl10000cups, 2girls(5+3i)cups, 65536girls65536cups, or 3frenchhens2turtledoves1cup.
http://www.xkcd.com/467/
We need a special holiday to honor the countless kind souls with unsecured networks named 'linksys'.
http://www.xkcd.com/466/
Science should be exactly as cool as the headlines sound. Like the 'RUSSIANS CUT APART AND REASSEMBLE DOGS' thing.
http://www.xkcd.com/465/
This is a story all about how I started drinking.
http://www.xkcd.com/464/
And that's *another* crypto conference I've been kicked out of. C'mon, it's a great analogy!
http://www.xkcd.com/463/
It's amazing what it does for YouTube comments.
http://www.xkcd.com/462/
Apparently Google assumes you're traveling during the ferry's normal operating hours. We lost two hours circling that damn lake (to say nothing of the Straw Man).
http://www.xkcd.com/461/
Dinosaurs totally jumped the ichthyosaur when they got rid of Brontosaurus.
http://www.xkcd.com/460/
Okay, everyone, cross yourselves, then cross the streams.
http://www.xkcd.com/459/
And nothing for 'I'm glad I saw Epic Movie.'
http://www.xkcd.com/458/
'Don't worry, I can do it in under a minute.' 'Yes, I've noticed.'
http://www.xkcd.com/457/
This really is a true story, and she doesn't know I put it in my comic because her wifi hasn't worked for weeks.
http://www.xkcd.com/456/
...
http://www.xkcd.com/455/
My friend Elizabeth tried to mail one end of the cable to me and thread the mail system.
http://www.xkcd.com/454/
I'd like to see more damage assessments for hurricanes hitting New York and flooding Manhattan -- something like the 1938 Long Island Express, but aimed a bit more to the west. It's just a matter of time.
http://www.xkcd.com/453/
Don't you know? The chances of a random object being a scone are about one in six.
http://www.xkcd.com/452/
If you think this is too hard on literary criticism, read the Wikipedia article on deconstruction.
http://www.xkcd.com/451/
And then a second one, to drain the sea.
http://www.xkcd.com/450/
'I'm nothing without you' is a fucked-up sentiment.
http://www.xkcd.com/449/
As my standard, I use going to sleep at midnight and waking up at 8 AM.
http://www.xkcd.com/448/
They say if a mathematician doesn't do their great work by age eleven, they never will.
http://www.xkcd.com/447/
Someday the 'in popular culture' section will have its own article with an 'in popular culture' section. It will reference this title-text referencing it, and the blogosphere will implode.
http://www.xkcd.com/446/
Bonus strip: just read the rightmost panels straight down.
http://www.xkcd.com/445/
At the time of this writing, Wikipedia has a wonderful article titled 'List of problems solved by Macgyver'.
http://www.xkcd.com/444/
Friggin' modern tents don't have a single piece of rope.
http://www.xkcd.com/443/
I love the title-text!
http://www.xkcd.com/442/
I bet my future kids will read this someday. DEAR FUTURE KIDS: how did you get internet in the cellar?
http://www.xkcd.com/441/
Okay, now just as the loss hits him, slam on the brakes.
http://www.xkcd.com/440/
Did he just go crazy and jump out the window?
http://www.xkcd.com/439/
It's easier to be an asshole to words than to people.
http://www.xkcd.com/438/
Electric skateboards, by cost, get the equivalent of about 300 miles per gallon. Lithium batteries just need to get cheaper.
http://www.xkcd.com/437/
I was there, dude.
http://www.xkcd.com/436/
On the other hand, physicists like to say physics is to math as sex is to masturbation.
http://www.xkcd.com/435/
Under three ounces, but it stains panties.
http://www.xkcd.com/434/
'Pick you up at eight?' 'Nine. I've got to re-mine the driveway.'
http://www.xkcd.com/433/
Man, this emo shit was supposed to be for people who didn't have hats.
http://www.xkcd.com/432/
Ma'am, I admit that wasn't in the best taste, but you have to admire my delivery! Ha ha, get it? Oh God, don't throw those syringes! Your baby's fine!
http://www.xkcd.com/431/
There was something about a cup and a sword and a tree and a green hill ...
http://www.xkcd.com/430/
I guess if she accepted irrational realities, she'd hardly be my fantasy.
http://www.xkcd.com/429/
I always figured the word 'blog' would sound *less* silly as the years went by.
http://www.xkcd.com/428/
Protip: Even without the red spiders, never have that conversation halfway through a balloon ride.
http://www.xkcd.com/427/
Saturday is game night.
http://www.xkcd.com/426/
'You will have hot, steamy, sweaty sex ... IN BED!'
http://www.xkcd.com/425/
True story: I had to try several times to upload this comic because my ssh key was blacklisted.
http://www.xkcd.com/424/
The question with Lucy and the football was always whether, on some level, she believed the things she said.
http://www.xkcd.com/423/
It's *almost* enough to make me want to redo high school.
http://www.xkcd.com/422/
There are at least fourteen ways this could go badly (seventeen if that fork is a dangerous crossbreed.)
http://www.xkcd.com/421/
Oh, huh, so you didn't know that story?
http://www.xkcd.com/420/
Their biggest mistake was bringing Rachael Ray and Emeril to tour the lab and sign off on the project. That's when Spielberg caught wind of it.
http://www.xkcd.com/419/
Although maybe it's just a phase, like freshman year of college when I realized I could just buy frosting in a can.
http://www.xkcd.com/418/
Strip originally conceived in conversation with Jeph Jacques. Soon to be a major motion picture.
http://www.xkcd.com/417/
I hear this is an option in the latest Ubuntu release.
http://www.xkcd.com/416/
On Mondays I go running, so you'll have to get up early and follow along on a parallel street. What fun!
http://www.xkcd.com/415/
Oh, I think this word might mean 'Crisco'!
http://www.xkcd.com/414/
ONE LAPTOP PER HAMSTER!
http://www.xkcd.com/413/
...
http://www.xkcd.com/412/
I don't know what's worse -- that there exists broken-hard-drive-sound techno, or that it's not half bad.
http://www.xkcd.com/411/
That's nothing. I once lost my genetics, rocketry, and stripping licenses in a single incident.
http://www.xkcd.com/410/
Unsafe vehicles, hills, and philosophy go hand in hand.
http://www.xkcd.com/409/
To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story.
http://www.xkcd.com/408/
In lieu of mapping software, I once wrote a Perl program which, given a USB GPS receiver and a destination, printed 'LEFT' 'RIGHT' OR 'STRAIGHT' based on my heading.
http://www.xkcd.com/407/
P.P.S. I can kill you with my brain.
http://www.xkcd.com/406/
Oh, and, uh, if the Russian government asks, that submarine was always there.
http://www.xkcd.com/405/
Check it out; I've had sex with someone who's had sex with someone who's written a paper with Paul Erdos!
http://www.xkcd.com/403/
Twister would've been a much better movie if they'd cut out the bad-guy storm chaser and all the emotional romance crap. All you need for a good movie are tornados and scientists. Actually, that's all you need for anything.
http://www.xkcd.com/402/
When charged particles of more than 5 TeV pass through a bubble chamber, they leave a trail of candy.
http://www.xkcd.com/401/
I didn't even know I *had* the Monty Python 'Lumberjack' song.
http://www.xkcd.com/400/
What's the complexity class of the best linear programming cutting-plane techniques? I couldn't find it anywhere. Man, the Garfield guy doesn't have these problems ...
http://www.xkcd.com/399/
Hey, when you're done draining the syrup, just leave the hole, okay?
http://www.xkcd.com/398/
Last week, we busted the myth that electroweak gauge symmetry is broken by the Higgs mechanism. We'll also examine the existence of God and whether true love exists.
http://www.xkcd.com/397/
On the other hand, poor Samara -- transcoded to FLV. No one deserves that.
http://www.xkcd.com/396/
I'd press on them to try to unstick them, but I can't reach. Can we try cycling day and night really fast?
http://www.xkcd.com/395/
I would take 'kibibyte' more seriously if it didn't sound so much like 'Kibbles N Bits'.
http://www.xkcd.com/394/
RIP, Gary.
http://www.xkcd.com/393/
I never understood why someone would expect me to accept their rules right after they'd punched me. I'm sure it's all very symbolic or something.
http://www.xkcd.com/392/
I'm as surprised as you! I didn't think it was possible.
http://www.xkcd.com/391/
Well, *I* think I'm real. Look at me. Look at my face. Cut me and I'll bleed. What more do you want? Please don't go.
http://www.xkcd.com/390/
You can identify them ahead-of-time -- they lead with their left foot when the music starts.
http://www.xkcd.com/389/
Coconuts are so far down to the left they couldn't be fit on the chart. Ever spent half an hour trying to open a coconut with a rock? Fuck coconuts.
http://www.xkcd.com/388/
We are sexy, sexy Von Neumann machines.
http://www.xkcd.com/387/
What do you want me to do? LEAVE? Then they'll keep being wrong!
http://www.xkcd.com/386/
It's pi plus C, of course.
http://www.xkcd.com/385/
But seriously, there's loads of intelligent life. It's just not screaming constantly in all directions on the handful of frequencies we search.
http://www.xkcd.com/384/
Oh, look, the 'make everything better' button was here behind the bookshelf all along.
http://www.xkcd.com/383/
It was also fun when those teenagers tried to egg our house and it insta-cooked the eggs in mid-air.
http://www.xkcd.com/382/
Films need to do this more, if only to piss off the people who have to feed it into the projector.
http://www.xkcd.com/381/
U+FDD0 is actually Unicode for the eye of the basilisk, though for safety reasons no font actually renders it.
http://www.xkcd.com/380/
Of course, the assert doesn't work.
http://www.xkcd.com/379/
Real programmers set the universal constants at the start such that the universe evolves to contain the disk with the data they want.
http://www.xkcd.com/378/
That's my hat! You took my hat!
http://www.xkcd.com/377/
The universe started in 1970. Anyone claiming to be over 38 is lying about their age.
http://www.xkcd.com/376/
As they're both unplugged, they do a lovely Daisy Daisy/Still Alive duet.
http://www.xkcd.com/375/
And the journal is filled with all the things I'd say to her if I were nice like you. I burn it when it's full.
http://www.xkcd.com/374/
But THIS guy, he might be for real!
http://www.xkcd.com/373/
Or so I hope?
http://www.xkcd.com/372/
Checking whether build environment is sane ... build environment is grinning and holding a spatula. Guess not.
http://www.xkcd.com/371/
My Redwall/Jurassic Park crossover fanfic is almost complete!
http://www.xkcd.com/370/
Zero results: 'snake charming' and 'haberdashery'. (Things like 'car' and 'boating' and such are of course the highest, by a huge margin.)
http://www.xkcd.com/369/
And sometimes I use it to retaliate against the guy upstairs with the loud girlfriend and the elliptical dish.
http://www.xkcd.com/368/
Ron Paul wants to put the New Republic back on the Corusca gem standard.
http://www.xkcd.com/367/
'It's either 'your mom' jokes or me' 'Then I, like so many men before me, must reluctantly choose your mom.'
http://www.xkcd.com/366/
Did you know they can actually physically throw you out of SIGGRAPH?
http://www.xkcd.com/365/
Never bring tequila to a key-signing party.
http://www.xkcd.com/364/
Clearance for this Sign: 11 Feet
http://www.xkcd.com/363/
Blade Runner: Classic, but incredibly slow.
http://www.xkcd.com/362/
Family going to bed at 10 PM is so much worse than jet lag.
http://www.xkcd.com/361/
He's just jealous because everyone's up in the attic listening to Stephen Colbert.
http://www.xkcd.com/360/
I'm gonna have to add something to the strum bar so it makes a clicky sound like the old controllers. I'm so used to the feedback; the silence throws me off.
http://www.xkcd.com/359/
I'm glad this is so much fun because I'm not sure how we're getting down.
http://www.xkcd.com/358/
I don't know about houseflies, but we definitely caught a lot of fruit flies with our vinegar bowl. Hooray science!
http://www.xkcd.com/357/
I first saw this problem on the Google Labs Aptitude Test. A professor and I filled a blackboard without getting anywhere. Have fun.
http://www.xkcd.com/356/
Facebook defines relationships. 'Yeah, we would have broken up last night, but the net connection was down.'
http://www.xkcd.com/355/
We actually reached the future about three years ago.
http://www.xkcd.com/354/
I wrote 20 short programs in Python yesterday. It was wonderful. Perl, I'm leaving you.
http://www.xkcd.com/353/
Sometimes an impulsive 2:00 AM cross-country trip is the only solution.
http://www.xkcd.com/352/
And I was really impressed with how they managed to shock the Goatse guy.
http://www.xkcd.com/351/
Viruses so far have been really disappointing on the 'disable the internet' front, and time is running out. When Linux/Mac win in a decade or so the game will be over.
http://www.xkcd.com/350/
40% of OpenBSD installs lead to shark attacks. It's their only standing security issue.
http://www.xkcd.com/349/
We should probably talk about this before the wedding.
http://www.xkcd.com/348/
The TI-86 was bad enough. I don't know how I'd have gotten through high school if I'd had a laptop+wifi.
http://www.xkcd.com/347/
The cola+Mentos trick is up there with corn starch+water (vibrating platter optional) in scientific coolness out of common kitchen supplies.
http://www.xkcd.com/346/
This digital music thing will probably reach its endgame sometime in the next decade or so. These are very exciting times.
http://www.xkcd.com/345/
Mrs. Roberts would have gotten up sooner, of course, but she was busy piping find ~ and find ~nomad into xargs shred, just in case.
http://www.xkcd.com/344/
I once asked an NSA guy whether they'd broken RSA. And I know I can trust him, because I asked if he was lying to me and he said no.
http://www.xkcd.com/343/
Trivia: Elaine is actually her middle name.
http://www.xkcd.com/342/
If you're not cool enough to do it manually, you can look up tools like Upside-Down-Ternet for playing games with people on your wifi.
http://www.xkcd.com/341/
And she put sweet nothings in all my .conf files. It'll take me forever to get X working again.
http://www.xkcd.com/340/
Someone get that Pachelbel's Canon kid a recording contract, stat.
http://www.xkcd.com/339/
But the past was much too cramped!
http://www.xkcd.com/338/
That track ('Battle Without Honor or Humanity') -- like 'Ride of the Valkyries' -- improves *any* activity.
http://www.xkcd.com/337/
You should start giving out 'E's so I can spell FACADE or DEFACED.
http://www.xkcd.com/336/
The TempurPedic wineglass guy broke his ankle.
http://www.xkcd.com/335/
You make forgetting look so easy.
http://www.xkcd.com/334/
Wikipedia's role as brain-extension, while a little troubling, is also really cool.
http://www.xkcd.com/333/
We didn't actually land on the moon -- it just looked like we did because of precession. Also, gyroscopes caused 9/11.
http://www.xkcd.com/332/
When I look into your eyes, I see JPEG artifacts. I can tell by the pixels that we're wrong for each other.
http://www.xkcd.com/331/
Hey, I don't make the rules. It's in the book.
http://www.xkcd.com/330/
Hit Turing right in the test-ees.
http://www.xkcd.com/329/
Oh, yeah, we get tons of them at these casual sex bars.
http://www.xkcd.com/328/
Her daughter is named Help I'm trapped in a driver's license factory.
http://www.xkcd.com/327/
Time to paint another grammarian silhouette on the side of the desktop.
http://www.xkcd.com/326/
You can do this one in every 30 times and still have 97% positive feedback.
http://www.xkcd.com/325/
Sometimes the best fun looks like boredom.
http://www.xkcd.com/324/
Apple uses automated schnapps IVs.
http://www.xkcd.com/323/
But one of the regulars in the channel is a girl!
http://www.xkcd.com/322/
My thighs have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord?
http://www.xkcd.com/321/
Small print: this schedule will eventually drive one stark raving mad.
http://www.xkcd.com/320/
Chuck Jones is a vengeful god.
http://www.xkcd.com/319/
If you don't get this one, don't google it.
http://www.xkcd.com/318/
Maybe there's no tenderness in her fingertips either, but at least SHE puts out.
http://www.xkcd.com/317/
Spherical or parabolic reflectors would of course lead to aberrant behavior.
http://www.xkcd.com/316/
The only big difference I've seen is in colors. Where the regular text reads 'press red button', the braille reads 'press two-inch button'.
http://www.xkcd.com/315/
The full analysis is of course much more complicated, but I can't stay to talk about it because I have a date.
http://www.xkcd.com/314/
Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'.
http://www.xkcd.com/313/
Some say the world will end in fire; some say in segfaults.
http://www.xkcd.com/312/
By my count, only 48 of the 158 minutes in Live Free or Die Hard have action. That's pathetic, guys. Crank is better, but needs a bigger budget and more Summer Glau.
http://www.xkcd.com/311/
Could be worse. The last guy in that situation fell for one of the transient trumpeting angels.
http://www.xkcd.com/310/
I am never going out to buy an air conditioner with my sysadmin again.
http://www.xkcd.com/309/
Quick, fashion a climbing harness out of cat-6 cable and follow me down.
http://www.xkcd.com/308/
Unfortunately for her, real Star Wars fans are attracted to a gal with a good force choke.
http://www.xkcd.com/307/
His date works for Red Hat, who hired a coach for her, too. He advised her to 'rent lots of movies like Hitch. Guys love those.'
http://www.xkcd.com/306/
Okay, Lance. For entry into the college bowl, spell 'Throbbing'
http://www.xkcd.com/305/
Cue angry letters from all seven fans of Xenocide.
http://www.xkcd.com/304/
'Are you stealing those LCDs?' 'Yeah, but I'm doing it while my code compiles.'
http://www.xkcd.com/303/
I'm always so happy that I successfully navigated the introduction that I completely forget to pay attention to the name the other person told me.
http://www.xkcd.com/302/
Fun game: try to post a YouTube comment so stupid that people realize you must be joking. (Hint: this is impossible)
http://www.xkcd.com/301/
'Here, I'll put my number in your cell pho -- wait, why is it already here?'
http://www.xkcd.com/300/
It's bad enough that all the families in your Sims are just you and Maggie recreated over and over.
http://www.xkcd.com/299/
For scientists, this can be the hardest thing about dreams.
http://www.xkcd.com/298/
I've just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the MIT computer science program permamently.
http://www.xkcd.com/297/
Bad idea #271: Dropping into the half-pipe on a Segway.
http://www.xkcd.com/296/
I've seen advertisers put their URLs on chalkboards, encircled with a DNE. They went unerased for months. If you see this, feel free to replace the URL with xkcd.com.
http://www.xkcd.com/295/
You can search it if you want, but you may want to skip the memories of your mom.
http://www.xkcd.com/294/
Life is too short for man pages, but occasionally much too short without them.
http://www.xkcd.com/293/
Neal Stephenson thinks it's cute to name his labels 'dengo'
http://www.xkcd.com/292/
'I don't know, why is your beret staying on your head?' 'Staples.'
http://www.xkcd.com/291/
You can evade blue shells in Double Dash, but it is deep magic.
http://www.xkcd.com/290/
Worries assuaged, the numbers become less important than your touches.
http://www.xkcd.com/289/